A pagan’s prayer answered

Wellllll after tons and tons of prayer and meditation. We came to an agreement of 50/50. Which means we are not going to court Monday after all.

This may not have been exactly what i in my flesh had wanted but it is a fresh start and beautiful new beginning. So instead of going to court. My friends, family and my partner are taking advantage of the days we took of work in preparation for court and helping me move into my new home and new life.

Almost exactly ONE month of leaving my relationship with my ex. I met Steven (my now partner) at a cinco de mayo/ my birthday party at my friends house in Milton. I was living with them at the time and they wanted to take advantage of the fact that my birthday fell on a holiday and introduce me to some new friends. So they invited their ENTIRE Dnd click and a few friends from work. I knew NONE of them and it was my birthday. It was defiantly a weird out of body experience. I think I was Dissociating heavily through most of it. I also got incredibly drunk. Oopsies. It was my first “let your hair down” and “fuck that asshole” night of the breakup. At the time my ex was withholding the kids from me. So the only thing I ACTUALLY wanted to do was cry and hole up in my room. But I felt obligated to be “thankful” for the party my roomates threw for me.

Steven at the time struggled with SEVERE anxiety. Like the man never left his house. He was in the military and suffered a bit of PTSD. And he had also had a series of bad breakups that left him a shell of himself. So naturally he showed up to the even very late. By the time he showed up I was already three sheets to the wind. It’s important to note that Steven had been previously invited to about 5 events prior and didn’t show. So I already knew of him. But had not yet met him.”ayyyyy sexy ankles is that you?” I shouted from the floor I was sitting in petting Tiffany’s cat. The only photo I had seen of the man was his ankles he had sent playfully. Because I told Bobby I thought he had hated me and didn’t want to meet me.

We all laughed and drank, Played a few card games, danced and then Bri says “did you guys know Sam reads tarot cards”. Immediately Jacob who btw is an orthodox Jew lol was Intrigued. I first read bri’s cards. Then I taught her how to read. She picked up on it insanely quick. Then I read Jacob’s. And then shy Steven finally spoke up. “Can you read mine?” I gave him my usual spill about how it works. “Consent is insanely important to me. If at any point you get uncomfortable or the reading gets too personal or the triggering please let me know and I will stop” I felt intuitively that it was going to be a HEAVY reading. His energy SCREAMED depression. He smiled at me and said “I’m tough; lay it on me”

The reading was about heartbreak. It ended though with spirit talking about him meeting someone new and I said “omgod I LOVE this woman’s energy. She’s definitely a kindred spirit. You have to let me know when you meet her. I definitely need to be her friend” little did I know the woman in the reading was me. I was just too jaded and heartbroken to see it. Absolutely nothing happened that night. He was broken and so was I. There was no immediate spark. No steamy kiss. Just “it was really nice to meet you finally. Please let me know you got home safely” we exchanged numbers.

Later he came over again to play dnd. I was reading a fantasy book when he arrived. He then told me he was also a big fantasy lover. We talked about books for about 30 minutes. We then played a very funny game of dnd. He helped me with the math portion (I was still learning) I let him borrow my books and he began calling me daily with updates “omg I can’t believe Tamlin did….” And so started a very very deep friendship. For 5 months we talked on the phone. Even after I moved from Milton to Marianna with my mother. Eventually he told me he had never tried sushi (my favorite food) and I needed to rectify that immediately. So I invited him to rock and roll sushi “as just friends”. We planned on just doing a quick lunch and going straight home. Wellllllllll 6 hours later we went to a park, a pet store, an Antique mall. We laughed and laughed and talked for hours.

I called my friend on the ride home and said “Savannah you’re gonna think I’ve lost my mind but I think I just an accidentally went on a first date with my soulmate. I think I’m going to marry him” her and I stayed on the phone for TWO hours. She made me go through every detail. Once again no kiss no hand holding. Just VIBES. I don’t mean butterflies and passion. I mean I felt safe. I felt at home in his energy. Steven feels like I’ve been drowning for so long and I finally came up for air.

Sooooo fast forward 1 year and 4 months. I’m moving in! I’ve already been slowly leaving my stuff here. Everyone already had been calling this house “our home” for a year now. I spend all of my time I didn’t have my two daughters here. But because “moving in with the new boyfriend complicates court” I postponed letting the girls be here. So at “lollis house” we have remained. But today…. Today is a brand new chapter.

I’m calling this chapter freedom. Steven is Norse pagan. He is a Virgo. He’s a fantasy loving introvert. Our home is FILLED with swords, books, and witchy things. This is the first time in my entire life I don’t feel the need to hide my spiritual identity. His grandmothers china cabinet now holds alters for the old gods. I have aragorns sword hanging on the wall! 🤣 this home is me. It’s a full expression of my beliefs. My art. I believe deeply that your home is an expression of your soul. And this house is my soul laid bare.

It feels soooo good. And I’d like to think the Gods are smiling on this homecoming and union of like minded souls. So cheers

Thanks for letting me share

_sammi